Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
