Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
