just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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