Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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