My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
