when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
