At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
