My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
