Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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