Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
