She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
