giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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