There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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