I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
