He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
