Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize