so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
