It's like God shit irony all over that family
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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