He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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