I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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