I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
