So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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