What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
