she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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