Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize