I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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