Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
