My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
