remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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