It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
