DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
