well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
