The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
