I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
