I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
only if we run a train.
done.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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