Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
