...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
