she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
