Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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