I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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