high people should be assigned attendants
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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