The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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