Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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