My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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