Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This toilet bowl is my home.
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