Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
