Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
