Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
