Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
