Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
