If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
pray to the hookup gods
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
