If i come over, it means nothing
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
