I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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