OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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