12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
