Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
