This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
