I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
