This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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