they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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