But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm going to jail i love you
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
