SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I see more hoeing in ur future
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
