It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
