i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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