laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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