he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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