Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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