i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
