He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
