I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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