I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She bit a glass in half.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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