Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
