We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
