That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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