We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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