I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
