Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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