my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
