Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
